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  • Evan McCoy

What I Want

The relentless positivity surrounding the concept of romance is exhausting.


I want people to let me be frustrated. I want them to let me scream and kick and shout about how hard it is to date as a gay person, when the dating pool is so small and so full of toxic fish. I want them to let me cry about how lonely I feel - not the loneliness of being physically alone, but the loneliness of losing your belief that there is a person out there for you. I want them to stop telling me it will work out just because it worked out for them, as if fate and the universe treat us all equally.


I want someone to fix it all for me, as if I am a child. I do not want your advice on how to fix it - I just want it fixed, as if magic were real and happiness were a potion we could drink. I want the impossible. I want the world to align in a way that makes sesne, and I want peace in a realm of my life that has only known turmoil.


I don't want love. I just want the concept of love to stop sitting on my chest with the mammoth weight of expectation, keeping me from breathing.


I want to be free.



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© 2018 by Evan McCoy